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Debris and Modern Wreckage

by The Yellow King

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1.
I am invisible. a ghost in a landscape. devoid of life, commitment and integrity. I took the greatest strains crushing my social life. I am a pilgrim, an ambassador of self pity. on its way to secular homes. I saved the word of god on corrupt devices | you deconstruct me piece by piece. you decompose me limb by limb | I am enigma, a language encoded. but not as cryptic as I used to think. I haven’t found the words, I’m offering weak semantics. I am driftwood, a shame for the family. unaware of my duty. I’m not half the man that I wish I would be. you deconstruct me piece by piece. you decompose me limb by limb. I can’t control the holy rites of my own negativity. you deconstruct the life i live. still fascinated by sick virtues and no control. still fascinated by the burning hive.
2.
My son is a pillar of hope. he’s coming a long way from decadence. my son is chewing his guts. he’s gold. don't say it isn't so. my son is a pillar of hope. he’s next in line of becoming the patron saint of broken faith | we’re two stars shining as bright as midnight | strengthening our defenses. no way out of the void. don’t speak. don’t lie. don’t cheat. don’t speak. everything’s bearing our name is doom. under the sway of erratic claws. we set pace for the slowest course. we’re above this. we’re above them | to the seed not finding home: on the ways that we’ll go. can we again find common ground? why can't there just be peace?
3.
What’s our cause for wasting life while my true love is weeping? a cruel cult. skin and bones. I just don’t care. My head is crashing for the next blackout. just lock the goddamn door. I just don’t care | we might see it. we might hear it and we just don’t care. we might see it. we might hear it and we just don’t care | my Waco burning | my talent crushed in a car accident. under such circumstances we all can relate. I just don’t care | it’s so hard admitting that I lost all control. it’s so hard escaping the path that I paved. it’s so hard regretting our delicate moments. it’s so hard forgetting things I’ve been through | still in love with saliva and the gold in my hands. still in embrace with the silver and the gun in my mouth | say what am I? they kept searching and they’ve found it but we’ve escaped for the mile | we’ve never seen her.
4.
St. Vith 06:17
I took our fate in my own hands and I terribly failed. how I lived in the fraud to trust in my own strength, will and beliefs. but I let us both down | someone please help me to forget that I did erase the love of my life | dementia is taking away the woman I used to know. once I promised that I won’t leave you alone. let go. i owe you all my life. stripped to the bone. the road before our eyes. your heart beats next to mine. let go | no quiet I found in the eye of the storm.
5.
CRISPR 04:05
The sum of our parts it is the sum of our own differences. it’s coming all back untied of any reason. we’re prone to the lure of our fear. drowning in the trembling of pride we thought that we had overcome | whose idea of man? is this? | if we can’t trust our own whom can we trust in times of deceit? you fuckers love to spit the venom. if this truth is a fake? if you been there once how will you come back? you fuckers love to spill the gasoline | our own indifference can’t wipe it out. with self hate we provide the tense to grow. we seemed so stable. we seem so strong. but it was just another fallacy. a shift is coming. the wreckage glorified. we’re defining stages of human dignity | take off the mask, bare your teeth, pull out the knifes | whose idea of man? is this? | what is our strength? we faint | your names. your faces. the white in your eyes. your sympathies. your solutions. your grimace. your promises. the words from your lips. your paradigms. your decorum. your illusion of control. the dirt under your nails. | at the end of the world we sing. let us see new land, let us feel new hope. at the end of the world we sing. dismiss the ghost trail.
6.
We all are thiefs. we all are liars. we’d kill convictions only to be admired. we all are sluts tied to our beds. redeeming virtues we’ll cut off its head. we were sensations. decades ago. deprived of notice we’re hunting for love. we all are fallout. failed architects. we’re broken faith armed to the teeth | you’re down. you’re on your own. you’re down | the pack is out there. waiting for the moment | keep the light of day at bay. make belief means to obey. try to learn to say someday. keep the light of dawn at bay | carving old wounds. this mind is a prison and there’s no escaping old wounds. imprisoned. envisioned. imprisoned. entombed | we all are thiefs. we all are liars. we’d kill convictions only to be admired. we all are sluts tied to our beds. redeeming virtues we’ll cut off its head. we were sensations. decades ago. deprived of notice we’re hunting for love. we all are fallout. failed architects. we’re broken faith armed to the teeth.
7.
I found my way in the darkest wood. I found my strength in things I never thought I would. I made my peace within this charred land. I claimed my place but I don’t understand | I found in myself a greater piece of calm. knowing. last night I dreamt I held you in my arms. but you were writhing in disgust | the days they are floating around the same routine again and again. I put my trust in your holy word but I smell defeat in every pore | who sent me? what for? who sent me? what for? | while I read defeat in every line. I see the truth in every smile. This life is wearing me down but in the smallest signs there’s a meaning that we need to find | I do breath knowing that I will die. I’m incomplete but yet I’m alive. as long as I’m here I’ll have to try to spread my arms around you and keep you save from harm. I’ll sweep away, what’s in my way. If life is wearing me down. stand up for them | who sent me? what for? who sent me? what for?
8.
I'm growing old. keep surviving if I can. I’m tied to a systematic unrighteousness | still fed with my mother's bad blood. it keeps me alive and close to death. what song the children sing when father has passed away? what words the friends will mourn when I am gone? I'd like to run but oh my legs won't carry me. I’d like to speak but oh my tongue's gone weak | my star is sinking but I cling to a niche. youth comes and youth goes. it’s as simple as this. you come and you go. do I deserve this? does anyone?

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released January 12, 2018

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The Yellow King Saarbrücken, Germany

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